THE FEMINISM I FAILED TO UNDERSTAND.

It’s been like forever in this space🤦‍♀️... I’ve had so many ideas to work on but somehow somehow, I keep getting busy. I’ve been cooking this series in my head for a while and can’t wait to share with you soon, I’m certain it will be a jolly ride.

This article was discovered in my archive, and I thought to share...😉

They speak, I leap with joy, they explain, I feel, oh Yes! I am on the right track. So my ideology is not just mine, I share the same thought with most 'big' women out there. Oh! How I wish to be like them. No man would give me directions, no man would tell me what to do, no man would look down on me, no man would talk less of me. Why? Because we are equals. Yes, gender equality is being preached and I smile with the expectation and belief of being equal. FEMINISM: the gospel of our ladies today, or should I say, the key word for educated ladies.

 

I first conceived the ideology of being equal with the opposite sex while I was in high school. I was just in JSS1, but I hated it so much when my mates (male) were treated differently or let's say better. The female students where always scolded at any given opportunity, but the male students, only corrected when they repeated the same mistake over time. The female students were monitored more, given names and punished for less than what the boys do. Then I had vowed not to look at them as superior, I unconsciously marked them as my enemies, because I felt their ego needed to be flattened . I had failed to open my eyes to other things related to them. I never heard the word 'Feminism' at that time, but I craved being treated just like the boys.

 

I had gone to University with a stronger notion of, 'say no to a boy who believes he should be treated differently because he belongs to the male specie'. I hated it when a boy got higher grades. I just believed we were in the game of 'tug of war', to prove I am equal or should I say better? I never had a problem with a girl trying to have higher grades, or going for any political position I wanted, although I wanted to remain at the top. The boys were just my problem, I wanted everything they had or wanted - the respect, the special attention, the attachments, and above all, to feel superior. The word 'feminism' was beginning to establish itself in my mind. I had began to hear the word over and over again and this made me feel I wasn’t alone in my agenda.

 

Along the line, Chimanmada Adichie, came up with her comments on feminism. Why should I be treated differently because I am a woman? Why should I aspire for something and a man shouldn't bother about the same thing? Why should I think less of myself? Why shouldn't a man do the same thing that is expected of me? Oh really! I had to learn her words, I kept repeating them to myself. Then Beyonce came with her song, where she featured Adichie's words on feminism. My world was made! The two women I admire, are on my lane of thought. I see my self as being equal to all the men. I thought I had all the support I needed to continue with my 'we are all equal' notion. I failed to open my eyes to the truth as the word feminism became my song.

 

I wanted equality, just like they (Chimamanda and Beyonce) wanted to be on the same lane with the opposite sex, they wanted the same thing as the men. We all wanted equality. The BIG MISTAKE is, we fight for equality but inadvertently passionate about superiority. 

Even if it’s equality, Am I prepared to go the length they could  go? I wanted something fiercely, but failed to realize I am often spared because I am a lady, I was allowed to escape certain things only because I am a woman. I failed to understand the creation story, or should I question why I was created after the 'Man' ? I just realized I have been going about the right thing the wrong and blinded way.

 

I can be equal to any man out there without being an enemy, I can without so much hate, I can without making so much noise about it. I ONLY NEED TO PROVE MY WORTH. Prove my worth in school, at work, at home. Then the same position I seek for with the men out there would be mine.

Feminism is focused on social, political and economic equality between both sexes, in all aspect of public and private life. It is not based on who should be superior. The misconception about the whole idea is focused on the way we go about it. Why play the victim to get heard? Why play the victim to get noticed? then when given the opportunity to head, we are left empty, just like certain political parties, whose aim is just to get there, but nothing to offer when they get there.

 

The big mistake about our conception of feminism is that we fail to understand that every theory work for a particular phenomenon and not all. I had listened to a woman leader talk about not taking her work policy home and not bringing her home policy to work, which worked perfectly fine because she keeps climbing the ladder of success in all spheres of her endeavour. As a leader in my organization, I shouldn't carry my role home where the husband ought to be the C.E.O and expect that he follows all my decision. That is Superiority and not equality.

I remember how my male friends looked at me, wanting to understand why I was just the way I was and how they look at me now, wondering what changed? Well, I keep growing and understanding the importance of unlearning to relearn.

 

My early life would have been much better and free of unnecessary arguments if I had understood that seeking equality is different from seeking superiority. Being the best can place me in the same position as he, I only need to show my WORTH... The feminism I thought I knew is quiet different from the feminism I ought to understand.

This is my thought.